God has a plan for me...right?

Do you ever just feel lost and overwhelmed in life? And is it just me or does it usually just come out of left field? Just this sudden panic and feeling of where is all this taking me? What is my plan? What is God's plan? He still has a plan right? I know in my heart that God always has a plan for me but sometimes the wiring between my brain and heart don't always connect and I start to see this timeline in my head of what I need to get accomplished by a certain time and what should be happening that is not and before I know it I'm spiraling down to a scary overwhelming place!

I had (aka am in the middle of) one of those weeks... The combination of seeing my sweet, hard working husband begging to work for free (and recognizing that discouragement in his face through his "it's all going to be OK smile"), having not enough money to cover rent 1/2 way through the summer, realizing my dream of being a mom is still years away, family frustrations, my health...it just seemed like everything hit me at once and I am sad to say I became so discouraged. I kept hearing the Romans 12 verse over and over in my head. "Never be lacking in Zeal but keep your spiritual fervor" That is tough to do sometimes! I was aware I was not trusting completely in God and being in His perfect timing but I kept with my overwhelmed attitude anyways.

That night I went to sleep with somewhat of a heavy heart but the Lord literally invaded my heart. Those of you who know me know that because of my Lupus medication I have CRAZY, scary, horrible, awful dreams every night. My sleep is anything but peaceful! That night I dreamed God telling me to build a house. I said God I don't know how to build, I don't have any supplies, I don't have a place to build. And I heard him say again, build a house. In my dream I heard Christina's words "immediate obedience" so I walked outside and a man was there with all the supplies to build a house and gave me a plot to build on. I walked over and just started building a house. In this dream God was giving me EXACT specifications, "make the walls X inches by X inches" .... and so on. This dream was long and the entire thing was God telling me detailed specifics of how he wanted this house built (possibly because I had just finished reading all about the Arc of the Covenant where God gave specific measurements, materials, and colors to use on it... ha ha) I woke up feeling like I had just spent the night with God! Not sure what the "house" represents in my life hahaha not a dream interpreter! But I don't even think the house itself was the main point of the dream. I think it was God telling me to listen to him and that he will give me specific direction in due time. If nothing else, he was just letting me know he is with me, even in my dreams!

As if I weren't convinced, the following night I dreamed my pastor and pastors wife sat down and prayed with me and David for hours about life. Again I woke up feeling like I had spent the night talking with God! (Instead of my usual...people chasing and trying to kill me, me drowning, being hit over and over and in literal physical pain during my dreams!) I am not like Ashley who has these amazing prophetic dreams and has a beautiful clarity from God! This was just an overwhelming sense of peace though! In fact I have not had a scary dream in 4 days now! Praise God! In my dreams I have been applying what I'm reading in scripture and I do not say that to give me praise, I am fully confident that is of the Lord! He is literally invading my heart and changing not only my life when I'm awake but when I'm asleep too! Thank you Lord for caring and loving me! Can't wait to see what my dream will be tonight! ha ha

Love Megs